Love bombing is a term that has been out there for some time but has recently received more attention from abuse advocates such as Sarah McDugal. In exploring this topic and considering its uses in the case of child sexual abuse within a family or a church, at first one might consider that love bombing is reserved for romantic relationships between adults where the manipulative individual showers the other with praise, adoration, and gifts. Upon closer examination, one can note that the grooming process where a predator manipulates a child is also often love bombing. The manipulator creates a relationship where the child craves the “love” that they will endure the abuse to gain the praise and adoration. This is a powerful technique because love bombing targets the desire to receive praise and attention. Especially a child getting adoration and praise from someone significantly older than they are. When we look closely, we can quickly see that love bombing is not the love we find in I Corinthians 13.
I Corinthians 13. “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
At the tail end of I Corinthians 13:4 one will find that love does not insist on its own way, and that love is not irritable or resentful. When boiling it down love bombing is a manipulative tactic where gifts, adoration and affection are used to reel in individuals so they will act a way that the love bomber wants them to act. When things do not go as the love bomber plans, one can see that the “love” that had been offered was never true love as described in I Corinthians 13.
In cases where abuse is occurring and a child has not spoken out, a predator will likely love bomb the family of the child that they are abusing. This will often be done in the full view of others and will use these acts of kindness to deflect accusations should they arise. Very often these deflections will come by those who witnessed the acts of “kindness” meaning that the heavy lifting is left to others to defend the predator. This allows the predator to sit back, observe others defending the indefensible because of some acts of kindness they performed. This also pretty well seals that they will be able to continue to abuse because the next person will think twice before making an accusation.
In situations of secondary abuse, those aligned with an abuser will shower the survivor or their loved ones with attention and unwanted gifts. It is not until later when a request is made to be in the presence of the abuser, or a request not to prosecute is made that the trap is realized. The trap is the realization that the gifts and adoration were really a bribe to buy the acceptance of the abuser, or of those aligned with the abuser. Either answer in a situation such as this is uncomfortable. If one goes against their conscience and chooses the side for the abuser which could lead to further abuse. On the other hand, to decline the individual who has been showering gifts and praise, is uncomfortable. This is the intention of the love bomber. This discomfort is secondary abuse that is being thrown in an individual’s direction.
With the holidays fast approaching, are you, or your child being love bombed? Are you shown ample affection if your plans are the plans that others want you to have? Have you deviated from the desires of others and received an angry outburst and the affection that you had received so richly cease? You could be dealing with a love bomber who is working to manipulate you or your family.