A recent Christian article stated the need for obedience to the leaders of the congregation that one attends rather than shopping for a new place to worship should a disagreement with leadership arise. It is factually correct and squares with scripture assuming the leadership of your local congregation is following the scripture and the law. It is at that point that the church leadership of the congregation which you attend may deviate from scripture, their duty to protect the flock, and the local, state, and federal laws where one can come into disagreement with the author of the article.

 Beyond disagreement, it is at the point of deviation that if left unchecked congregational leadership may weaponize scriptures about their authority in order to control an individual or family impacted by abuse. Hebrews 13:17 “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are watching over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” The previous verse along with the first part of I Peter 5:5, “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders.” Is the perfect recipe for a young family to be cajoled into submission by those who are supposed to protect them but choose to not investigate or investigate on their own an accusation of abuse. Those who have endured abusive situations will hear these verses in a weaponized fashion if the action they take to protect themselves or their children is contrary to the advice or prescription given by the leadership of the congregation they attend.

A common scenario in an incident of abuse aftermath within a congregation comes in four steps very often with the leadership in full knowledge. 1. The abusive act is minimized if the survivor is believed at all. 2. The survivor is told they must “forgive” which really means that the survivor must act exactly as they did prior to abuse in the presence of the abuser. 3. Any mention of law enforcement involvement by the survivor or their family is met with cries of unforgiveness and statements of condemnation in earthly and spiritual arenas. 4. Silence, the abuse and abuser must not be spoken of.  Let’s remember here that most of the time that when the term unforgiveness is thrown around everyone involved is still wrapping their head around the totality of the events that have occurred. If one is still wrapping their head around the events that they or their child endured, it is too early to forgive and space is needed to evaluate exactly what is being forgiven.

This type of behavior in congregations and congregational leadership leads to a conclusion that must be considered. Have some congregations inadvertently become the church in Corinth described in I Corinthians? Paul in I Corinthians 5 states that immorality that is not even tolerated among the pagans was being accepted in the church at Corinth. It is difficult to think of any act more immoral than the sexual abuse of a child yet, if one considers the four steps mentioned earlier, tolerance, acceptance and perhaps enablement are words that come to mind. It is well documented that child predators and rapists in prison are not safe and that other inmates have been known to harass, injure, or murder the predators and rapists. Those who are thieves, deal drugs, and physically violent do not tolerate what is tolerated in many congregations today. With this knowledge, one must conclude that without the right leadership, a congregation can easily be a I Corinthians 5 congregation of the modern day.

Beyond the comparison to I Corinthians 5, the failure to report such crimes which is covered earlier in the four common steps is a violation of the law in most cases. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services there are 48 states that have mandatory reporting laws regarding child abuse. Each state is different, but it is safe to say if the leadership of a church is aware of an abusive situation and they are not reporting it the odds are pretty good that the local laws are being violated. Now consider Romans 13:1-2, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God. Therefore, whoever resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgement.” If the leadership of a congregation is discouraging reporting abuse rather than helping to report it or encouraging silence rather than exposing evil as found in Ephesians 5:11, their deeds are contrary to their calling and serious self-reflection is in order.

This is the point at which those who have been faithful members of a congregation for years may decide to seek other places to attend services. This search for another church home is not consumeristic, but rather a search for a congregation with leaders who are obedient to the scriptures including the previously mentioned Ephesians 5:11 and Romans 13. At this point a family seeking another church home is very much like a group of spiritual refugees seeking relief from what they had endured.  Therefore, there is no disobedience if the family is seeking a church home that will not ridicule them for pursuing justice for a predator that abused their child rather than becoming amenable to leadership that will not expose darkness or do what legally should be done in the case of abuse.

Leaders, if there is an outcry of abuse within the flock you are to oversee, you must take it seriously. You are not the only watchmen of your flock, but by your title and role you should be leading the way when it comes to challenging decisions.  When an abuse allegation arrives, it is your opportunity to lead. Very often leaders are called to make difficult decisions, and, in this case, it will be one of the most challenging times of your life. It will be difficult for a myriad of reasons including the fact that predators are often well known and liked within a congregational setting. Predators often use their relationships and likeability to create built in doubt once an accusation is made. If a leader does what is right in these instances, they will be challenged by those who lack complete understanding of the situation. It is normal in these situations for the predator to stir up those who would make a leader’s job difficult. It is because of these many challenges that often leaders follow the siren’s song to cover up an incident. The conundrum for making the correct decision can be avoided through leaders making the decision to create a set of policies dictating what actions to take when abusive situations arise.

1. Any accusation of abuse will be reported and investigated by local authorities.
2. No effort will be made to investigate an instance of abuse from any party within this congregation.
3. Full cooperation will be afforded to the authorities.
4. Any investigation that concludes that abuse likely occurred will be communicated to the congregation for the protection of the children who regularly attend or visit the congregation.
5. Known predators that wish to attend services will be offered alternative services online or within their home.

The darkest situations that we face in life are the very reasons that we need godly leadership of our local churches. Wise caring shepherds that care for those of the flock are an integral part of that equation. Those who are leaders of a congregation that choose to not lead by obedience to the scripture have a difficult position to defend. Simply put: Shepherds, if you want your sheep to loyally follow, Lead.

Since beginning the Ezekiel 33 Project one question I have received by many is, “How big is the issue really?”. My first inclination is to respond that the question is the wrong on to be asking given the serious life long challenges that come with childhood sexual abuse. My second thought is that perhaps real numbers have not been analyzed or considered by those of faith. Below is a brief presentation as to why the Ezekiel 33 Project exists and what its purpose is.

April is sexual assault awareness month and things are different. We are mostly confined to our homes as we wait for our local, state, and federal authorities to determine for us all when we get back to how we lived previous to this virus arriving. This virus has done one of two things for those who have endured abuse prior to coronavirus becoming such a common phrase in our daily lexicon.

For those who endured abuse where they live, the shutdowns and limitations on movement ensure that they will be in the presence of their abuser more often and may get little respite from their presence and abuse during this time. These are the ones that will endure acts that are horrific while the rest of the nation complains about the lack of being able to go to their favorite restaurant or get a haircut. When this ends these are the ones that could make an outcry for help as they seek to escape the nightmare of who they had to be near to for the duration of the emergency declarations. When the restrictions end, those who have close contact with children should be especially mindful of what a child may have endured while isolated in their home.

Those who endured abuse outside of their home during these shutdowns are likely content with the situation as they do not have to be in the presence of or endure the abuse of those who have abused them before the restrictions on movement were put in place. This could an opportunity for those in the home to listen to why a child does not wish to be around an extended family member, day care worker, church volunteer, minister, or family friend. The reason could be silly or serious. Children often have strange reasons for not wanting to be around someone which could seem suspicious.  Many times, one might find their child does not like a trait that someone else has rather than having experienced an abusive situation. Other times a child may not want to be around an individual that they previously loved being around. If there is a significant age difference, the reason for this should be probed further.

Both type of survivor described above deserve to have someone who is watching out for them, an individual who looks out for their best interests even when there is pressure to look the other way. What they are looking for and what the world needs more of are good watchmen who will sound the alarm when things do not look right. The most challenging skill a good watchman must acquire is the ability to speak and take a stand against a group that wishes to remain silent and do nothing. A good watchman lives Ephesians 5:11 by not only avoiding evil deeds, but also exposing them. As it appears as if the month of April will be past when most of the country is able to freely move about let’s not forget to be aware for those who have endured sexual assault.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of serving on a panel at the Harding University Bible Lectureship discussing sexual abuse in Churches of Christ led by Bobby Ross Jr. of the Christian Chronicle. Christine Fox Parker and Chellie Ison joined were on the panel with me. We discussed abuse, its prevalence, how it has been handled, and recommended ways of handling abusers within a congregation. From this discussion there were four things that stand out as highlights from the conversation.

Abuse is far more prevalent than anyone cares to admit.

Churches should prepare for when this will happen and have contacts to refer survivors to when abuse is reported.

Those who abuse are deceptive and manipulative not only to their victim but to all in their victim’s world.

Alternative worship opportunities should be put in place to serve the spiritual needs of offenders in an environment that does not have children.

The audiences were fantastic and had excellent questions in the question and answer session.  Audio is available on the audio page found under “Events”.